You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
