1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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