McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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