If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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