I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I touched a dick in church today
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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