Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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