That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
