i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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