Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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