with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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