I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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