apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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