When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
