I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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