I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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