shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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