So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
