I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
