you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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