come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
