see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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