I'm jealous of your bromance
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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