what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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