i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
