Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
