girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
