Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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