She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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