Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
