Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
