i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My bed is full of blood and feathers
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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