am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
