Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
