i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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