upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
