hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
