And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
