Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
