Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
