Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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