your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
