We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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