This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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