I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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