before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am