ADVERTISEMENT

• (650): View more from California

  my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp

  Fav 13 3161 868

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

  Fav 22 3844 1866

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (571): View more from Virginia

  I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life

  Fav 5 3683 1598

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.

  Fav 16 986 4440

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling

  Fav 8 3371 1407

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

  Fav 41 11883 1807

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (954): View more from Florida

  I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"

  Fav 9 3018 1541

  share tweet
  

• (406): View more from Montana

  Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.

  Fav 8 1300 791

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.

  Fav 2 1052 803

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.

  Fav 6 1302 610

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix

  Fav 8 694 1384

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this

  Fav 1 826 595

  share tweet
  

• (239): View more from Florida

  I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost

  Fav 0 223 161

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite

  Fav 0 173 74

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...

  Fav 1 80 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize