Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there is glitter all over my balls
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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