I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Buhtt sex?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
