Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
