I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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