Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
