I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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