dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
