Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
