I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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