We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
