naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
