you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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