my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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