Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
