but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
