I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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