So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
