he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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