Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
