i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
