WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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