so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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