I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
