i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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