I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize