I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
