i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
