Moan for me like Helen Keller
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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