There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
