Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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