im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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