You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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