i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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