That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
