I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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