apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
