I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
