You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
